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Hi, Iโm Daniel.
Iโve always struggled to make lasting connections with people and could never figure out why.ย I have lived an unfortunate life where the odds have always been stacked against me.ย Since a small child, I have always been the underdog. Iโve had to struggle with everything just to keep myself going.
But hold up for a momentโฆ
Is this the reality of the situation? Or is this a contorted sob story Iโve been reinforcing my entire life, to the extent I have completely identified with it? Sure, Iโve been through hardships, but maybe Iโm painting a picture that isnโt in my best interest.
So what if I told myself a different story?
Hi, Iโm Daniel.
I was once very miserable, however, I have lived a beautiful life filled with healing, adventure, and wonder. I was once socially deprived due to my incompetence, but I learned how to be good with people. Sure, Iโm not perfect, but letโs be honest: I probably live a more socially abundant life than most people.
I am grateful for my struggles as they have opened my consciousness to a new dimension of experience. I certainly wouldnโt be walking the path I am today without acquiring the necessary wisdom. Iโm living the life I have always wanted, and even though itโs challenging at times, thereโs nothing else in the world I can see myself doing.
Now,ย thisย is the reality I have created for myself.ย This is the story I choose to tell myself because, at the end of the day, life is a subjective journey.ย We may have objective experiences, but these experiences can be interpreted however we want. Life is a canvas, and we are the painters.
You may not have control over your reality, but you have control over your narrative. You can have an extremely difficult life, yet a beautiful narrative. Itโs the narrative that makes you feel at peace with your life, and find meaning in it. The proof is in people who have devastating lives, yet happy lives.
They chose to write a happy life story. So, what story do you tell yourself? Is it a story that oppresses you or liberates you?
Experience Is the Framework, Story Is the Substance
You can look at your life from many different angles.ย Some of these perspectives are going to cause you a lot of struggle, while others will fill you with optimism.
The events that happen in your life are objective, but the experiences that these events create for you are not.
Over time, we use our experiences to build a story about who we are and where we fit into all of this. Depending on how you look at your life experience, thatโs the experience youโre going to create for yourself.
First of all, your beliefs do matter.
Your beliefs influence your thoughts.
Your thoughts influence your emotions.
Your emotions influence your decisions.
Your decisions influence your life experience.
If you believe that your life is a constant struggle and you have it so much worse than everyone else, do you think this is going to instill positive thoughts and feelings, or negative thoughts and feelings?
Since those painful thoughts and feelings areย low-vibrational energy, unconsciously, you will act in particular ways and make decisions that arenโt in your highest interest. You can see how you can get sucked into this negative place in life, just from the way you perceive it.
This is why itโs important to create a life story where you are the hero of your life. You are persevering, courageous, and doing your best. You must write your narrative in a way where itโs certainly not over, itโs just beginning.
You are not a loser, you are not a failure. You are doing your best, and step by step, making your life a little better. It may be a long road, but itโs a fulfilling one. So donโt lose sight of who you are and what youโre shooting for.
What Makes Up Your Life Journey?
A few core pillars create your life story:
- Your beliefs
- Your thoughts
- Your attitudes
- Your emotions
Unlike the events that occur, these pillars are all subjective. Put these all together, and your subjective life experience is created.
If you lose your job, thatโs a fact. This is an objective reality you need to face. However, depending on how you view losing your job, the experience is very different.
If you see losing your job as a terrible thing that causes fear, worry, and uncertainty, your experience is going to be negative. On the other hand, if you see a silver lining and perhaps opportunity, adventure, and excitement in this transition, then the experience you have may be very different.
Perhaps youโre thinking about the opportunity and the freedom. Sure, itโs natural to worry, but if you have faith that things will work out and use this experience as a catalyst, it can be pretty exciting. Maybe you can perceive this situation as a positiveย life changeย youโve needed but havenโt had the guts to pursue.
Your life is the events that have happened, your life story is your perception of what those events meant.
Your Beliefs
Your beliefs are what you think about the world. Your beliefs refer to your unconscious programming about how the world works and what your life experience must be.
- Do you believe you can do anything in the world if you apply yourself or that nothing will work out for you, despite how hard you try?
- Is everything a challenge to you, or does life seem easy?
- Is the world generally a dark place, or is it an incredible opportunity to experience this?
Your Thoughts
What you think about is tied to the other pillars of the frame. The quality of your thoughts influences the quality of your reality.
- Are you constantly thinking about how you can make something work, or about all the ways it could go wrong?
- Do you think about all the hardships or everything good in your life?
- Do you think about what you want in life, or what youโre trying to avoid?
Your Attitudes
Your attitudes reflect how you react, respond, and think about different occurrences in your life. Your attitude is more of a conscious mechanism, while your beliefs are generally unconscious and run in the background.
- Are you optimistic that things will work out, or do you assume itโs going to go bad?
- Do you think itโs a waste of time, or do you think itโs a good learning opportunity?
- Do you give everything the benefit of the doubt, or avoid opportunities because youโre uncertain about them, or they make you nervous?
Your Emotions
Your emotions are how you feel about a particular event that has happened to you.
- Does it make you feel shame or pride?
- Are you grateful that it happened, or are you disappointed?
- Do you feel hope, or do you feel like giving up?
You Become Attached to a Particular Identity
Over time we form an idea of who we are, based on the experiences we have had. This idea of who you are becomes your identity. This is your understanding of who you are, and what your life experience means to you.
Your identity concretes your sense of belonging and helps you find where you fit in this world. But it can also be a big source of pain, or it can empower you.
So if your identity is unempowered, where you believe youโre a nerd, or a loser, or an insecure train wreck, thatโs the reality youโre going to build for yourself. How can it not be when that belief system becomes your whole world?
Unconsciously, youโre going to keep yourself in that particular frame. Luckily, your identity is never actually consolidated. We think it is, but we can make a mental pivot.
The more youย positively reframe your experiences, the more your identity is going to shift to higher ideals.
Youโre Constantly Reinforcing Your Identity
Youโre constantly reinforcing a particular identity because you get deeper into believing that your beliefs are the objective truth. If you feel like youโve been taken advantage of, you will look for reasons why youโve been taken advantage of.
If you identify as someone who is always going to fail, then youโre just going to get more and more ingrained in that belief system every time you do. In a way, youโre going to construe an objective reality to suit the story you tell yourself.
So you keep reinforcing an idea, that youโre a victim, or that people donโt like you when youโre just twisting it to an extreme.
Not saying that people arenโt victims at times, but whether we see ourselves as victims of life or creators of our realities also has a huge influence over our life experience.
How Do You Frame Your Life Story?
Now that weโve looked at some of the core ingredients that make up your story, you need to work on changing it.
If you believe that you have always had it hard, can you see it in a way that the hardship has been preparing you? Without those difficult lessons, you wouldnโt be pushed to evolve as a person. Can you tell a story where youโre just starting your journey, rather than winding down and propping up the white flag?
Your story is your life.
So if you donโt create a story that youโre proud of living, what chance did you ever have in the first place? Remember. This is your life. You decide how it shapes you and what it means to you.
And when you create a story that youโre happy to tell, thatโs when youโre going to start that wave toward all your greatest desires.