Happiness is something we’re all looking for, but at the same time, it’s something that can be hard to find. We tend to base our satisfaction on our achievements, but let’s be real. Most of us haven’t achieved as much as we would like by now.
Here’s the thing…
We’re searching for something to feel complete. We believe that once we attain that last missing piece, whether it be a higher-paying job, a partner, a family, or a particular lifestyle, everything’s just going to be picture-perfect.
Although striving to achieve goals in your life is an important step towards happiness, there’s a whole lot more to it than just getting what you want. Genuine fulfillment is more than just the off-firing of certain chemicals in your brain. You always have everything you need to be happy, so what’s missing here?
In this article, we’re going to explore a more holistic approach towards happiness. After you read this article, you’re going to have better approaches to finding genuine fulfillment, regardless of what condition your life is in.
The Holistic Approach to Happiness
Growing up, there was seldom a moment where I was satisfied with who I was. I never felt like I was good enough because I was so critical of myself.
I wanted the lives that other people had, but I didn’t know how to get there myself. This distancing between me and my peers turned into a fear of falling behind. But it wasn’t all bad because this fear drove me to grow as a person, which is exactly what I needed.
I found that my sense of happiness was connected to my inner growth. Many years on the personal growth journey led me to travel the world for many years on end. Changing my lifestyle and doing interesting things was the cherry on top. And because of this, the quality of my life skyrocketed.
There have been some monumental shifts in how content I feel, and I know it’s not dependent on my life situation anymore. I know because just recently, my life came tumbling down. At the time of writing this, I’m a grown man with no money, no car, living with my mom and working at a restaurant.
Regressing into a situation that I’ve outgrown was always my biggest phobia. Now that I’m living my worst fear (once upon a time), I’m glad to say that I still feel good. I know this situation won’t last forever, but I’m not desperate to get out of it either.
I appreciate that I have a place to stay and that I’m able to work. The struggles are numbed in comparison, and I’m able to enjoy what life is giving me right now.
This tells me something big, at least for me. It doesn’t matter what my situation is like, I can find peace in it. Now I want to share some important insights from my life so that if you end up in a shitty situation one day, you still feel happy.
Is Your Happiness Based on Your Situation?
There’s a big difference between genuine happiness and situational happiness. You might generally be happy and feel like life is going well. But do you only feel content because things are going well?
If this is the case, your happiness is built on a poor foundation because the situation you’re in is a crutch. If things go to shit in your life, you’re not going to be able to maintain that sense of composure, which tells you something.
You don’t know if you’re going to break up with your partner. You don’t know whether you will lose your job. Suddenly, the conditions in your life that made you feel happy are gone, and what happens to you?
That’s why you need to build yourself up from a strong foundation. True happiness is independent of your life situation.
What Is Happiness?
Nobody can answer this question, but I can tell you what happiness isn’t.
Like success, happiness isn’t a life situation. If you believe that happiness is to have something you want, then you’re missing the picture. Happiness isn’t the kick of dopamine or serotonin from achieving milestones and being successful. Happiness is an intrinsic condition, one that needs to be cultivated.
There are a lot of different perspectives on happiness, but generally, I view happiness as a state of consciousness. Happiness is a manifestation of high vibrational energy, where you’re abundant in emotions such as love, joy, compassion, and gratitude.
How to Be Happier With Yourself
Okay, let’s face it. You’re not exactly where you want to be in life. There’s this creeping sense of desperation as time passes by and you’ve yet to hit your goals.
So you feel like a failure, which makes you more desperate to get somewhere, to be someone. But you are where you are, and there’s a good reason for it. As long as you’re comparing yourself to this image of who you should be, of course, you’re not going to be living up to it.
Besides being an unrealistic, glorified image, you’re human. Things take time. Life is a learning curve. Not to say that you won’t achieve your vision, but you have to accept where you currently are in the process.
To accept where you currently are in life, you need to treat your life as a work in progress. Remember, as soon as you cross that finish line, you’re not going to drop everything and spend the rest of your life celebrating. Suddenly, the bar will have moved, and there will be something else you need to feel fulfilled.
So understand that your goals, your avocations, and everything that you want is transitory. As long as you treat every day as getting one step closer to your dreams, you’re moving in the right direction and that’s what’s important.
Let Go of the Outcome
You’re pouring sweat, blood, and tears into your dreams, but they’re barely fruiting, if at all. So you get anxious. That internal chatter gets louder.
I’ve got to succeed, I’ve got to succeed, I’ve got to succeed!
Suddenly, succeeding in your goals feels like life or death, and the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders. But you’ve turned this desire to succeed into a monster, and you’re wondering why it’s eating you alive.
Breathe. Relax. Realize that it’s okay.
You’ve pulled this drive for success out of proportion, and it’s not as big of a deal as you make it out to be. I’m not saying to give up, not at all. But don’t put so much attention on the outcome.
To be happier with yourself, you need to be present in the journey. After all, that’s what it’s about. Prioritize the journey over the destination, and be present with the process.
Besides, even if you end up throwing it all in, the lessons you’ve gained throughout this process are priceless and will give you a huge head start for the next venture you embark on.
Go With the Flow, Dude
If there’s one thing that makes you unhappy, it’s trying to have control over situations that are out of your control. I’m not trying to be a stone-cold hippy here, but go with the flow, dude.
When you try to change something that’s out of your control, you’re going to create a lot of stress. It’s like you’re putting all of your energy into pushing a sliding door. The result? Stupid.
Part of what helps me be happier with myself when I feel this way is to have trust. Trust that things are exactly how they are meant to be, otherwise, they wouldn’t be happening at all. At least that’s what I believe, and that belief serves me well because I try my best, then jump to acceptance, knowing that whatever happens is in my best interest.
Do what you can that’s within your control to change your life situation, but accept what you can’t. Let go of these expectations that you should be doing better at this stage of your life, and focus on the little things you can do to be happier with yourself now.
It’s Okay to Be a Little Selfish
If you’re living a life that other people want you to live, do I need to explain why you’re not happy? Let’s take a journey back to Life 101.
Your whole life, you’ve been told to live a certain way by your parents, your peers, school, our culture, and society. When your life becomes the product of other people’s desires, it’s no wonder you feel flat. That’s because you’re looking at happiness through other people’s eyes instead of listening to your calling.
I would 100% rather be broke and live a full, adventurous life than live a life that other people approve of but that doesn’t resonate with me. You need to ask yourself, are you doing what’s in your best interest? Or their best interest?
But how can you know? Well, I base my life trajectory on my values. I value adventure over stability, growth over comfort. So I base my life around my highest values, and they’re doing well at making me feel fulfilled, even if I don’t have anything to show.
You’re the only person who knows what’s best for you and what will make you happier with yourself. So follow your values, not other people’s.
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener
Let’s face it. There’s always someone doing better than you. There’s always someone more attractive, smarter, more interesting, wealthier, you name it. The goose-chase of being the best is always going to lead to disappointment.
When you compare yourself to people who are seemingly better off than you, you start feeling like you’re lacking something. It’s something we all do, but what if you took the road less walked?
Focus on your own life journey. Focus on where you’re at now, and what’s within your control. You should have laser focus on your own life story, and forget about what other people are doing.
Stop comparing yourself to other people or judging yourself for not being where they are in life. There are probably plenty of things about you that they wish they had if they had the opportunity to meet you.
Focus On the Things You Do Have
A big part of your dissatisfaction derives from focusing on what you lack. Believe me when I say, there will always be something that you lack if you’re coming from this angle.
Having some desire is good, but need does not serve you. Focusing on what you do have instead of what you don’t have is a much better approach to feeling good about yourself.
Looking at your life from a cup-half-full perspective leads to one important word: Gratitude.
If you focus on being grateful for everything that you do have, you’re going to feel a whole lot more fulfilled. When you think about it, you chase that feeling of abundance by accumulating more. But gratitude is an internal condition. You don’t need anything to be grateful besides yourself.
Therefore, to be happier with yourself, focus on the things you do have and appreciate them. Even simple things like having a full stomach and a roof over your head are usually taken for granted.
You’re Bigger Than the Things You Do
Having a sense of purpose is a great propeller. After all, it motivates you to work toward what you love, and that motivation will drive you to accomplish more.
That’s why it’s important to go after the things you want, but it’s the mission that makes you feel good. Working towards something bigger makes you feel good. Being at service makes you feel good.
So, focus on the feeling of trying. If you succeed, great! That’s a bonus. If you don’t, you just aren’t there yet. Maybe it will take another year or two. Maybe it will take 10. Maybe it will take your whole life to achieve the mission you’re on, but as long as you have that drive, failure does not exist within the framework because failure suggests there’s an end.
When you take your learning curve into your own hands, it’s satisfying. Especially when you’ve developed a mindset that your life is your creation. Even if it’s falling apart right now, what’s stopping you from rebuilding better? Time is on your side, so make use of it.
What activates that spark in you? How can you mold your knowledge and experience into something that you’re truly passionate about? Have an overarching mission in your life, and you’ll feel much more fulfilled, even if it never comes to fruition.